“Thank you, Tali — this has been 10x more helpful than any therapy session!”

This has been really helpful. I have a hard time slowing down, and Tali has really helped me change my perspective on parenting. I try really hard not to parent the way my mom did — she was a yeller, everything was always my fault, and if she was mad it was never up for discussion.

I never got to express my emotions or my feelings, and if I tried, it was “go to your room” because she didn’t want to hear it or see it. Even though I sometimes do similar things with my kids, for me it’s more preventative — I don’t want them to cry or scream at me.

It’s almost like my mom provoked me to get upset, and then it was, “get out of my face.” With my kids, I want to meet their needs and limit confrontation. I once heard the advice to pick and choose your battles: if your kid wants to wear a pink shirt and green pants, is it really that big of a deal? That gave me perspective. Even though I’m a perfectionist, if my kids want to get dirty, wear mismatched clothes, or stay up a little later, I’ve learned it’s not that big of a deal. But I think I’ve taken that too far, because I’m not doing a good job of setting boundaries. I keep asking myself, “Is it worth the argument? Is it worth them getting upset?” and then I end up making timelines and checklists, almost bargaining — like, “I’ll give you more minutes, but I’m not going to lay with you because I have things I need to do.”

I think I’m giving them what they want, but that’s not really what they want or need. I’ve put too much faith in my kids knowing what they want and need, because nobody gave me that growing up. I was always told what to think, what to believe, how to act, what to do, and what not to do. Now I see I still need to be guiding my kids.